It was a pretty hectic weekend. Between meeting friends over drinks she had to take care of a long list pending house hold things, including fixing the leaky faucet in the bathroom which made an eerie sound when things went quiet in the night. She woke-up early, beat the Monday morning blues with a strong brew of filter kaapi and a sweet bun at the Iyengear’s Cafe near her rented apartment and reached office by nine sharp. Casually checking her phone she noticed a WhatsApp message from her mom – “Beta, Chachi ne ye ladke ke baare mein bataya hai. Kundali bhi match karwa li hai. Will call in the evening to discuss”. Thrown off a bit, she replied, ‘at work.. will talk later’. She couldn’t really manage to concentrate after that.
There was a lot going around her. Her FB wall was flooded with images of her friends attending marriages, some even getting married. Friends tagging her in marriage memes, highlighting her single status. And at home, her marriage had become the single biggest obsession for everyone. That left her all confused, irritated and frustrated with the idea of getting married.
This is a story of almost every independent girl in her mid-twenties. She could be you.
If you are going through this ‘What’s Going On?’ phase of your life, here are some interesting ways to deal with it.
When you get into the situation where you get this ‘what’s going on feeling’, just concentrate on things which are positive about your life, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem like. Such happy memories help you to calm down and feel good about yourself. Things like a shared memory on FB about an unforgettable day you spent with a friend; the time when Mom bought you a new top you really liked, a road trip with your friends to Munnar and so on… Such small things divert your mind and keep you happy.
Meet new people
Start attending workshops, seminars, camps, classes, activities, etc. of your interest. It will help you change your mood and you will get a chance to interact with new people. There are many examples when people have benefited by becoming more outdoorsy. “I joined a running group. Though I was never a running person in my life – in fact running and gym bored me to death. Joining this group was fun – I met many people I had no chance of meeting otherwise. And this was refreshing as I wasn’t meeting for some matrimony thing”, said Deepa, 33 year jewelry designer from Bombay.
During this period one can experience lack of confidence or low self-esteem. Watching feel good movies and reading motivational books can help. Movies like Pursuit of Happyness, 127 Hours, P.S. I Love You etc. can help, if you haven’t already watched them already. Or you can simply go to a parlour or a spa to pamper yourself.
Do not avoid family
Do not avoid your parents when they are discussing your marriage. Healthy communication with parents on the topic of marriage will help sort things actually quickly and easily. Try not to fight with your parents on this – the more you resist the more you will find them chasing you. If you have plans for your life including marriage, communicate it to them. Most of the time they don’t know what you want and that makes them more desperate and in turn they release that frustration on you.